I said Yes

They had told me my birth father was long time dead. They even gave me the supposed year he drank too much.  In my heart, I knew better than to believe but it was possible since birth mother was already gone. So accepting his death was lightened. I gave in and accepted that the term orphan suited me.

My Aunt struggled to talk with me about him. When I ever got the courage to ask about him, she would build a wall. I did not learn much from our conversations about him until one day I really began to dig deep.  The first thing I learned was he lived with his mother in the house next door to me when I was a baby. His name was Anatoliy Zakharov and he had drinking problems. He would often visit Tanya's apartment, bring the wine and they would drink together. My Aunt then proceeded to tell me how she had not been in his area since 1997 and had not seen him. But she had learned that there was a mix up about who died in the house, and in fact Anatoliy was possibly alive. I was in shock and in disbelief. I thought he had perished from my life completely. 

I wanted her to find him before I left for my trip to Russia but she did not believe it would be good for me. She thought he was not worthy of my attention and did not care about me. She could only see him as the man who hindered Tanya and failed to keep strong. She believed he caused me to suffer because when Tanya was in a drunken state, she could not care for me. In the end of our conversation she did ask me if I wanted her to go look for him. I said yes.